Damn You, Pork Chop! And Damn YOU, Aunt Flo!

Today could have gone better. I blame a lot of the weight I carry on my inability to actually cook. Alas, most weight loss programs (that are actually effective, at least) encourage a lot of home cooking. You learn pretty quick, although fabulous, Velveeta Shells and Cheese aren't really worth it in the end and you force yourself to pick up that spatula.

I've tried to ease my way into it, because I really am a horrible cook. And I'm not exaggerating in the hopes someone else cooks dinner. I really am that bad.

But I've been trying. Following recipes and cutting corners here and there (Thank you, Trader Joe's!). For tonight's dinner I had purchased two stuffed pork chops and got them working while I chopped up a salad and made a mushroom/asparagus concoction. At the 25 minute mark the recipe called for, I opened the oven to check on the chops. My mom had just walked in the door and I had tried to time it as such so she could come in to a hot meal. But the chops looked pink in the center, so back in they went.

Another 5 minutes, then 10, then 20... 40 minutes later (!!!!) they still looked pink in the center and, at that point, no longer edible. I yanked them out and sure enough the stuffing Trader Joe's had used turned the meat around the stuffing pink. Ummmm... might want to mention that somewhere in the label, Joe! They were so horrible we didn't even attempt to eat them. Mom made a tuna fish sandwich and I reheated some leftover Penne from last night.

To make matters worse, I swear that vicious Aunt Flo is more than a bitch then we ever knew. It's like she knows when weigh-in day is for all us Weight Watchers and wreaks her havoc on that day alone. It's my first visit from Aunt Flo off of the pill and braving the PCOS on my own. Funny thing is, it will take PCOS another month or two to really get into full swing as my cysts generally grow along a three-month time line and then explode, so this isn't even the worst of it!!!

I woke up in the middle of the night last night in the fetal position clutching my stomach and immediately took to the bathroom medicine cabinet for some good 'ol Midol relief, and have been popping them like Certs all day long.

It's painful. It's horrible. My future children will pay for this inconvenience.

I'm bloated beyond recognition at this point, but the good news is the scale didn't go up. It went down... not a lot, but it went in the right direction so: "SUCK IT, AUNT FLO!"

With that thought crammed into my brain for the rest of the day, I came to the conclusion that it's easier to run on a treadmill while watching Jason Bateman - cause if that's not motivation, I don't know what is! Also, that my new green sweater bought online from Target (that got here today) makes my boobs look awesome and Lord knows I'm gonna flaunt those ladies while I still have them.

I have every intention of unveiling the boobalicious green sweater this Wednesday evening on my night out!

So until next time, my beauties... remember:

1. Joe's Pork Chops are done, though they don't appear to be.
2. Jason Bateman is Motivation, Aunt Flo's a bitch.
3. Flaunt those ladies while you have 'em!